Skip to main content

F^#$ YOU HALO (A SALTY REVIEW)

 I have been a fan of Halo since day one. Not only the video game series but the books and comics as well. There are so many good stories in there that could be told on the big screen. Initially, there was an announcement back in 2011 by Steven Speilberg that he would head up a Halo series. Of course, nothing came of it. If you haven't seen it here is the link to judge for yourself HALO



Meanwhile, the dawn of fan films came about and you saw creators making their own halo stories based on and around the lore. Making a movie should be easy. In 2017 I wrote about why there hasn't been one yet check it out here  https://www.amerimewire.com/2017/05/why-no-halo-movie.html. But in 2022 behold the 10 million dollars per episode epic which is Halo. An Epic fucking disaster. The series which should have easily been a slam dunk went out of its way to be a failure and since it was contracted out for 2 seasons it's safe to say that the streaming platform paramount plus is already behind the curve because Star Trek can't save a whole service. But allow me to dive in a bit.




The showrunners thought it would be best to not play the video games or look at the already-established lore. That's like someone asking for steak at a restaurant and you being to cook pigs butt. They misunderstood the whole assignment. First of all, they call it the Silver timeline to make it clear that this isn't related to any of the 20 years of work already laid down. This is just a lazy way of saying “ We didn't play any of the games or read any of the material” which we find out late is a lie. As the show goes on we find that they did know the source material just enough to mutate it for the sake of their own story. They use the fact that the doctor behind the Spartan Program was able to make clones of people but the clones would eventually die of sickness. 


Then we have the Master Chief. A shadow of his former self in so many ways. Not only does he seem to spend a lot of time out of his armor. He is also sexualized with nude & sex scenes. The sex scene is with a character that is made up for the show and is supposed to be the enemy. The Master Chief is played by Pablo Schreiber who some of you might remember from “ Orange is the New Black” and the show American Gods. review for that here https://www.amerimewire.com/2017/07/american-gods-why-am-i-so-late.html.

The showrunners made it about putting a face to the chief. But not for the sake of storytelling. If it were for storytelling they would have held back on it as Jon Faveru did for The Mandalorian. We didn't see his face till the end of the first season. They blew their load at the end of the first episode. On top of that, this version of the character hasn't earned anything from the viewer to even understand his new motives or ambitions because they decided to make their own story. But they wanted us to fill in the blanks with what we already know but none of it matches!! All these squares don't make a damn circle



.   



These secondary characters are bland!!! Kwan Ha takes up so much of the season's runtime with a bland by-the-numbers story that could have been in an entirely other bland show. Not only is her story bland but the character is unbearable and I hope the character (not the actor) dies. The other character Makee was predictable. She was raised by the covenant and is becoming a mole to get to the MC and kill him. It was so tiring and I wished this wasn't here. Of all the secondary characters there was only one decent enough to mention and that is. Soren is played by Bokeem Woodbine. 




He's an escaped Spartan turned space pirate/mercenary. He has charisma but a lot of


what he does is predictable, to say the least


.

They had all of these books to adapt. But instead, they spit in the face of the fans who have been here since the day keeping the franchise strong. The showrunner's hubris is deafening. Show creators that are barely seasoned in my opinion with shows like LoneStar, The Last Ship, and American Dad under their belts this feels like a setup. We were teased with Steven Speilberg & Neil Blomkamp a decade ago but ended up with Steven Kane and Kyle Killen. It's ordering a Filet Mignon and lobster but they bought you a burnt hamburger and shitty popcorn shrimp. If this is what Halo is serving I would rather starve. Don’t forget this is the same studio behind the Sonic movies a franchise that by all accounts should have failed. 



Halo Season One: final grade F (fuck this show )  





Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Great Tomb of Nazarick is back! Overlord season 5 trailer

We finally got a season trailer for overlord season 5 Opening up with one of my favorite characters Demiurge walking up in his mask to a new kingdom telling them he is here to have fun by destroying them in shouts of death and pain. So we see that the Great Tomb of Nazarick is back the the team is carrying out Ainz wishes of world domination. Don't fret the trailer is below but don't get to hype it's only 45 seconds  Don't miss out on the most anticipated anime event of the year! Subscribe now to stay updated on all things Overlord. Whether you're a long-time fan or a newcomer to the series, this season promises to be a game-changer. Gather your guild, spread the news, and let's make Overlord Season 5 truly legendary! Conclusion: Overlord Season 5 is set to redefine the anime experience, promising a captivating blend of storytelling, animation, and epic battles. As we gear up for this ultimate adventure, the Overlord community unites in anticipation, ready to wi

A New Def Jam game maybe? Roster Ideas by Corey Floyd

over the past month or so DefJam has been throwing some hints that they might make another fighting game. About two console generations ago (ps2, Xbox, GC) there was a game from EA BIG called Def Jam Vendetta. It was a wrestling style game but with hip-hop artists. DMX would literally kick your ass. Redman & Method Man was the best (and still are) tag team ever. It was a hit !! The follow-up fight for NY was a great sequel with even more artists in fighting form. Then the third one was garbage, hot garbage simmering in garbage juice. It bombed hard. Now it looks like we might get another. Bosslogic even came up with a title. Today I'm gonna come up with who should be in it. Some old, some new, some more gals, and some new dudes. 1. Missy Elliot Missy Elliot has been in the game for a long time. Somehow despite all of her hits, she has never been given the title of queen of hip-hop. In the game, she could be the queen of mean. Give her a footing style that matc

Scissor Seven on Netflix Stream or Skip

STREAM OR SKIP?   Scissor Seven is a Chinese animated series that was streamed in 2018 with the name of Killer Seven. As soon as Netflix streamed this show at the start of 2020, it became a hit globally! With the increasing popularity of Anime, Netflix has created a whole Anime library for anime fans. Scissor Seven is the first Chinese anime being streamed on Netflix. It’s a serious debate on whether to call it an anime or not, but I won’t get into that discussion for now.   Why Should You Watch Scissor Seven? If I needed to coat only a single thing in the list of why you should be watching it that would be the COMEDY! It is hilarious! Seven might not be the best killer, but that Goofy-head is the best entertainer for sure! It is a hilarious satire on the whole hero business, as we can how Seven is nothing but a Professional Goof! Scissors is his ultimate weapon on which he uses his telekinetic abilities. Every Hero needs a sidekick, here our sidekick is an angry bird with