Thursday, June 29, 2017

Transformers Review (BAY TIME!!)

By Corey Floyd


Well, it’s that time of year again. Time for Michael Bay to once again Ham it up straight to the Bank Today I’m covering Transformers: The Last Knight. The fifth installment in the guilty pleasure of the Transformer Franchise directed by Michael Bay.  Of course, each film has been completely panned by critics. But Bay has never cared about what they say and neither has the studio. The Franchise has grossed over billion dollars and that’s not counting merchandise. I have had a tendency to slam him every chance I’ve had. But I realized something, what he does in his films is show us his reflection of America and it’s scary accurate. Okay here’s the formula Patriotism + Sexism +US armed forces with a dash of racism add a big a cup of explosions. That's every Bay movie. With that being said let’s get into it.

Where we last left off Optimus Prime left earth to find his maker. Well say hello to Quintessa Queen of Cybertron Image result for quintessa transformers gif
Not sure what all of her powers are but one of them is brainwashing. That’s why we have seen so many commercials of him attacking Bumblebee. He has been reprogrammed to go back to earth to retrieve a staff that Merlin used. Yes, Merlin! The fucking wizard. This film reveals that Transformers have been around since the dark ages. Image result for dragon transformers the last knight
and the Witwicky family were the protectors of it.  Don’t worry there's only a photo cameo of Shia this Witwicky is played by Sir Anthony Hopkins who is the only living one left. They killed of Shia Labeouf just like the rest of Hollywood gives a phenomenal performance as a marvelous guide for Mark Wahlberg. He returns playing himself doing Mark Wahlberg things like quick insults and a harsh Boston accent even though his character is from Texas. We also meet  Izabella a survivor who ends up under Mark Wahlberg's wing but unlike like most kids in movie franchises she's pretty smart. Related imageIronically she is played by Isabella Moner who is known for her comedic chops in kids movies and television. She's traded that in for a gutsy soldier and ally to lost Autobots. My problem with her is she seems so independent until she meets Mark Wahlberg after that she makes the dumbest choices like getting on a plane to assault Megatron. But for the sake of the story, you have to have at least one kid in the movie. As I watched the movie I noticed something Bay traded his sexist card for a strong women card. Which is a step in the right direction or he’s pandering to what people say they want you to be the judge. I say this because Wahlberg is not the savior of the movie. The non-Transformer Hero is Vivian Wembley who is Merlin’s descendant played by Laura Haddock saw in Guardians of the Galaxy as Star Lords mom. Here she plays the savior who doesn't believe they are the savior.  Related image
Image result for what is this gif
I’ve been talking about humans a lot in Transformers movie right? That’s the bullshit I can’t stand with this film series. So allow me to get to the nuts and bolts of things. First of all, Megatron, what the fuck happened to Galvatron?! Image result for transformers galvatron gif
This is how he looked at the end of the last movie. How the did we get to this?
there was no explanation.  Also, There was this old robot that was pretty cool and most of the comedy relief in this movie. Image result for cogman transformers gif Also, a lot of this Film takes place in Europe mainly the UK, maybe in each following film will take place in a different corner of the world. Since Agent Simmons (John Turturro ) had a few scenes via a phone booth in Cuba with a soccer playing Autobot maybe the next one will be in South America? Peter Cullen returns as Optimus Prime to give another beautiful over top Shakespearian performance that steals every scene. He really is the high point of the film. Frank Welker returns as the original Megatron but they hardly have any camera time.  

At this point I just realized something.  Image result for who cares gif
The entire franchise is riddled with inconsistencies, mild racism, and explosions. Like a drug addict, we can’t get enough. Did I enjoy this movie? Kinda tbh I feel like I could have been doing something while this was on in the background. Another thing that took the enthusiasm away from seeing the movie was the marketing campaign. They showed too much of the movie in the damn trailer.  If you don’t recall me talking about it before click here . It's upsetting because I feel like I actually would have like this one but they showed so much of it in trailers. They saved the world, of course, The Queen teleported away and Prime Spartan Kicked Megatron out a window so naturally there will another one. By the way, Earth is UNICRON  
the planet eating robot under the surface. Why, does it even matter.  Final Grade  D+ In Bays eyesImage result for michael bay erb gif


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