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Valerian and the city of 1000 planets(A Salty Review)


By Corey Floyd

Image result for valerian and the city of a thousand planets Gif

This summer we have been hit with a lot of movies as usual. But one of them I had so many questions about. This movie was Valerian. It’s based off a graphic novel. The film was written and directed by Luc Besson the mind behind The Fifth Element, Taken series and Transporter series. With a stellar trailer with beautiful visuals, you would think this was a cinematic slam dunk right?  Image result for Wrong gif
While this film is very heavy with beautiful CGI visuals that tell a narrative without words when the main actors step they drag this film from the depths of space to a crappy SYFY movie. Our main character  Major Valerian is played by Dane DeHaan. Most people should remember him from The Amazing Spider Man 2 as Harry Osborn and Andrew Detmer from the hit film Chronicle.Image result for Chronicle gif
His co star is Cara Delevingne. She was the woman who played the Enchantress in the universally panned but financially successful Suicide Squad.Image result for enchantress gif
I have a few problems with these two that affect this movie in a big way. Despite the actors being in their late 20’s to early 30’s, they look like kids.Image result for valerian and the city of a thousand planets Gif
I say this is an issue because they are supposed to be Intergalactic military agents.  But instead, they come off as spring breakers or impersonators of who the real heroes are. The chemistry they have on screen is nonexistent. All of the dialogue between them is forced. It's like a really bad version of Lana and Archer.There bland, unbelievable and boring.  
Image result for rihanna valerian and the city of a thousand planets gif
Image result for rihanna valerian and the city of a thousand planets gif
The story is not bad at all. The city of 1000 planets is based off the idea that in 2020 earth establishes a  International space station then there's a montage other nations coming to the station over the years adding their own piece the the larger whole.Then Aliens began to make contact and continue the tradition, a few hundred years later you have a city of 1000 planets.  This movie has a lot of layers to it that you would want to explore. The overall writing wasn't terrible. Those 2 actors mess this whole movie up. Image result for rihanna valerian and the city of a thousand planets gif
Now I was surprised at Rihanna's performance in this film. Of course she was visually appealing but her acting has improved alot since BATTLESHIP (Shudders ). Here she plays Bubble who is a shapeshifting Alien. Who give a short yet compelling tale of woe about being a sex worker. She comes along for the adventure for about 15 minutes or so and she was one of the best performances in the film. The funny part is you cant tell when she is being serious or sarcastic but it works. They show her real form which is kind of a jellyfish. But she can move round like a T1000 she was a really good for the team. Then they kill her 15 minutes into meeting her. Somehow she dies from a fall that all three of them take. Which was a nice way of saying “we can’t afford you anymore”. SMH   Image result for rihanna valerian and the city of a thousand planets gif

The rest of the is digestible at best but then again the terrible acting is vomit inducing.  In my opinion I think you can wait to see this on Netflix or if you want something better watch the Fifth Element so you can see how far we have fallen ( yes it takes place in the same universe as the Fifth element) . Furthermore I believe that the original was not told properly her so I will also implore you to check out the original graphic novels. Meanwhile as for his film would have been a B- but the acting from our two main characters drops it to a final Grade of D.  Related image
Now don’t forget about our Destiny 2 giveaway so be sure to download our Amerime Junkies podcast and  check out  our youtube page where clues will be dropped.https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/amerime-junkies/id1212151606 https://play.google.com/music/listen?u=0#/ps/Ivhcym644qixgfbgwxi346zsgiy http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/new-media-studios/amerime-junkies?refid=stpr

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